How often should you have sex

It’s an age-old question: How much sex should you be having?

Not to answer like a shrug emoji but there is no perfect amount. Yet, it won’t stop couples of varying relationship lengths from pondering if the amount of sex they have is enough. If long gone are the days of that early romance, when you simply couldn’t have too much sex, then, yes, anything less than that might seem like not enough.

And while there isn’t a correct or perfect answer, the good news is that there is an average you can hang your hat on to compare, if that’ll soothe your curious mind.

Here we’ll break down an average of how often partners have sex, why regularly engaging in sexual activities is beneficial, and some sex tips to get the gears in motion if they’ve been stopped for a bit.

How much sex is everyone else having?

Okay, an answer to what’s a normal or average or decent amount for how often couples should have sex is: weekly.

There are so many factors at play with a person, like age or lifestyle (kids, no kids, pregnant, postpartum) or one’s own natural sexual arousal but a safe estimate is once a week. That’s four times a month or 48 times a year. This is a conservative approximation: your own sexual preferences could be more or less than that. You could be voracious in your youth or horny all the time in your twilight years. A Kinsey report determined that 28% of respondents over 45 had regular sex once a week. Sexual drive doesn’t diminish with age!

If you want to hit the happiness point of sexual averages, aim for once a week and build from there.

The benefits of steady sex

Sex, which isn’t just limited to penetrative intercourse, is extremely beneficial for emotional and mental health in addition to physical gains. A sensual romp provides a delicious bodily release—and it might even alleviate headaches! It’s an immune booster, helps with heart health, and really is a light workout.

Consider how sex bonds people together. A physical act is hardly ever just that; adrenaline, dopamine, and endorphins are all released, causing feel-good sensations and attachments of all kinds to percolate. Sex is a builds and rebuilds intimacy in a way for couples to express their love to one another. Paying attention to a person’s needs and desires, and giving them exactly what they want is a beautiful way of expressing how much you care.

The feedback loop of affection and sex essentially means that with more sex comes more affection and that means more sex. It’s how habits are formed! If you want to boost how often you have sex, this is a great way to frame it.

Tips to having sex more often

There’s nothing quite like taking a long look at your sex life and then trying to schedule it with absolute, strict precision. There’s nothing wrong with a schedule—it’s something Virgos love. But as a remedy to sex it might become a downer.

Instead try these tips to have sex more often:

Communicate. Instead of a rigid schedule, talk to your partner about times of the day or week that feel the best for sex. Address with your partner any gaps in each other’s needs and wants and try to come to a solution together.
Address any external stresses. Many things can shut down a person’s sex drive but stress is often a key reason. Regulate your nervous system, practice breathing techniques, and boundaries with stressful situations. Know that sex can help ease stress, too.
Start with other physical activities. Makeout the way you did as a teenager; cuddle and stroke each other; give each other sensual massages. If getting down and dirty right away has evaded you recently, start by holding hands or kissing and see where that takes you.
Try new products, positions, or roles. Spicing up your sexual repertoire may help get the dust off the wheels. Add K-Y lubrication products* to your foreplay; perhaps try a position you’ve never attempted before (reverse cowgirl, maybe?); or dress up and tease your partner.